A few nights ago, I found myself in the upstairs area of our mission’s house all alone with my thoughts. My mind was exhausted and all I really wanted to do was go to sleep, but there was still 3 hours left until I could reasonably dip out for the evening into my dreams. Downstairs, a couple people from my team were cooking dinner. In an effort to distract myself from my thoughts, I dragged myself off the couch and started making my way down to help. Almost as soon as I stood up, I felt a tug at my heart to sit down and rest for a moment. To give my brain space to breathe. And so that’s what I did, and I am not sure why I have such a hard time with rest. Sometimes I find myself oddly identifying with Martha in Luke 10: 38-42, but that’s a story for another time.
Anyway, this tug at my heart felt different—it felt urgent. Similar to how a child might feel when their teacher pulls them aside to speak to with them about something important. Jesus was pulling me away from my own crowded thoughts not just because He wanted to talk to me, but because He needed to. Have you ever felt like that?
Sitting back down, I closed my eyes and tried to go to the quiet place where I hear Jesus speak the loudest. And as I wrestled to focus against the compounding thoughts, I heard my Father say “Run YOUR race.”
“What are you talking about?” I quickly replied. “What do you mean?”
As I sat there pondering what He meant, I saw an image painting itself across my thoughts. Suddenly, I was standing on a red track. It was a sunny day and I saw myself running with somebody. And almost as quickly as that person was there, they fell behind me and disappeared as I continued forward. As I kept going, I saw people in the distance that I caught up to—a couple of them fell away, but a couple of them stayed and ran next to me until I woke up from my daydream in the Spirit.
Then the Lord spoke to me again and he said:
Erin, I have given you a lane to run in and I have given you a path to follow. There are going to people who are with you for a season of life, and then they are going to fall away. And then there are going to be people who come alongside you and stay with you for the long run. In either scenario, don’t drift to the left or the right, out of your lane. Because I have also given those people a path to follow. And if you worry yourself so much with trying to fix something out of your lane, then you will stumble on the path I have placed right in front of you. Run YOUR race. You cannot run anyone else’s, nor can they for you. Fix your eyes upon me.
WHOA. Alright Yahweh. I felt convicted. But I knew that He was right because it all made sense.That’s why I was so tired. That’s why I was so distracted. That’s why I felt like I was constantly in a spiritual state of ‘limbo’… because I was. I had been trying SO hard to hold onto people from my past and trying to fix them, that not only was it a complete distraction, but it was holding me back from being able to move forward.
I also felt a deep sense of sonder in this moment—a term used for the idea “that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own” (The Dictionary of Complex Sorrows). This always throws me for a loop, and maybe its because as humans we inherently have the tendency to think of things only from our perspective, but the idea that everyone has their own lane, makes their own choices, deals with their own consequences, and ultimately must run their own race, is so profound and wild to me.
In that moment I decided that I am going to be more intentional about the physical and spiritual race I am on, and how important it is for my motivation to serve others to come from a place of overflow, instead of a desire to control the situation and how others see me.
The Lord has given me a sweet awareness that there is strength in boundaries, resting, loving from a distance, and praying for those who have hurt me. I don’t know what it means for you to “run your race”, but my prayer is that if you resonated with this post at all, that you sit down and ask God to reveal it to you. Jesus just wants us to walk in the fullness that He has for us because that means freedom, and you deserve to be free.
________________________________________________________________________
Key Verses:
“I will instruct and teach you in the way that you should go; I will give you counsel; my eyes will be watching you.” Psalm 32:8 CJB
“I keep pursuing the goal in order to win the prize offered by God’s upward calling in the Messiah Yeshua.” Philippians 3:14 CJB
“For everything there is a season, a right time for every intention under Heaven—” Ecclesiastes 3:1 CJB
“I’m directing you on the way of wisdom, guiding you in the paths of uprightness; when you walk, your step won’t be hindered; and if you run, you won’t stumble. Hold fast to discipline, don’t let it go; guard it, for it is your life.” Proverbs 4:11-13 CJB
“Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze on what lies in front of you. Level the path for your feet, let all your ways be properly prepared; then deviate neither right nor left; and keep your foot far from evil.” Proverbs 4: 25-27 CJB
This is beautiful! I love how God actually sat down with you. And you’ve brought a more clear meaning to “Stay in your lane”. Keep up your race, babe!
” I am not sure why I have such a hard time with rest. Sometimes I find myself oddly identifying with Martha in Luke 10: 38-42, but that’s a story for another time.” Same girl same, lol.
BRILLIANT blog. even better revelations and action to follow. Stay in your lane. Thanks for the encouragement.
Wow wow wow. I have been trying to drag people to my lane for a very long time, and it has exhausted me. If only they would do this or stop doing that…. So in and so forth. God did not ask me to run their race, but mine! Thanks sweet love for this insight. I can only do me and not everyone else. Wow . I love and miss you so very much and am so proud of you.
This is good and all I can say is – SAME. This is so relatable, encouraging, and Spirit-filled. Thank for this and for pushing us all to stay on our race!